Wednesday 16 July 2014

Stellar soul

N.R. is a human like all the others, just less special traits added to her character. But one night she went stargazing. And the lights she saw above, the millions of twinkling, the most beautiful painted view of them all - everything made her think just how beautiful ephemeral things were. It didn't matter that a lot of the lights she saw were just projections of stars that died or that their luminescence was cold and distant. To her eyes, they were all beautiful.
From that night, N.R. started her real journey as a human. And once on the bus, she realized that she had only watched life pass her by, too scared of the headlights of the cars to step outside her pretty and very fragile bubble. It was comfortable to take cover from the wind of change and just dodge all the drop from the rain of hardship. It was easy to wait for dreams to crawl out through her blinds, hope that once out they'll grow wings and become fierce and powerful like ancient dragons. And it was only now that she realized she had been missing all the excitement of being alive. So she left with the wind at her back, hoping to reach the stars before it was too late.
That night, that one night changed her life. For she had seen the most beautiful, most sparkling, most approachable light of them all. It was right there, above her, a little to the right on the sky's canopy, living in a different circle, leading a completely different rotation than N.R.'s planet. But it was alright, for she knew how to lure that star to look down and shine its light upon her and upon her alone. And so the star did: it turned itself to this one peculiar human and smiled with eons of undying rays of cold light, blinding even the Sun itself, making the Moon miss its rotation and scandalizing all the other cosmogonic spheres.
It was unusual for a human to shift its center of attention from inside to the outside, so N.R. was seen as being special for the first time. The way her eyes shone every time the star illuminated the night sky, the way her thoughts were put in tiny bottles and sent all across the sea, towards that special point where it meets Horizon, the only one capable of touching the sky, the way she was hoping and dreaming of that one single, tiny, little star was fascinating. She was after all, just a tiny, little human herself... and so she began to feel the wind of change as she reached the end of the Earth and realized her star was never going to make it on that squared piece of land she had brought for just the two of them. No, it hit her, her tiny star was pinned on the night's canopy forever and always. 
It saddened N.R. to watch her star trying to reach her so hard that she had blinded half of the galaxy. It was painful to watch how her star was hurting itself by breaking its light into so many pieces that it turned into sparkling dust above N.R.'s face and eyes. It broke her heart to know that despite seeing so many stars leaving the canopy, not even one reached the Earth before its own light. So one night, when the tide was high and the moon had finally stopped spinning, N.R. spoke her mind for the first time:
"I've been sitting, watching, waiting... Now it only makes me wonder: if I'd left this all behind and held the wind at my back, could I get you off my mind?"
And she turned her back on the sky and hid under a cover made of lies she told herself so her guilt would be put to sleep, her consciousness muted. But it was impossible to bear it: she wanted to pluck her eyes out, carve out her heart, dig her own grave with her nails, weep till the sea would cover the whole Earth or until the Moon would bathe in her tears... she wanted her star to be happy more than anything. And she knew, N.R. knew she was just a human, that she could shake all Heavens and no star would fall, that she was going to cry and throw a fit as soon as the light of her beloved star would touch her, freezing her blood. She knew she had so many flaws that even her guardian angel turned his face from her, ashamed of the nakedness of her soul and incapacity of truly believing. For that had been her problem from always: N.R. was incapable of believing for too long in something... especially in herself.
Until - until one night when she started believing in the happiness of her tiny, little star.
That's when she went stargazing with her soul...

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