Saturday 12 May 2018

game

like a game of hide-and-seek
we let the covers fall
once more,
one last time

for under their cover,
within their darkness,
our breaths are held in
just for one more second - 

and side by side,
we lay on the floor
ceiling above -
infinity

it is silence we've asked
silence we're given
silence
shh

and with closed eyes 
we draw:
the universe,
infinite possibilities

but none of us,
none of you,
none of me,
none

eyelids flutter open
staring into space
fingers drum along
the rhythm to kill

my ribcage open
you reach in
my screaming soul
pitifully whispering... mercy!

oh, how they twist
and turn
and break 
and burn!

your fingers,
knuckle deep sunk
claws,
forcing me open 

I keep my eyes closed
the sounds of the universe
covering my screams
and it burns

and I am water
I sizzle 
when you
sink

and you are fire
you tremble
when I
breathe

oh, the thrill of this,
this chase
where I am prey
and you, predator

until the sun rises
and my eyes open
and I, predator
eat you, prey.

Tuesday 8 May 2018

end of spring

I take a step back and stare at you
you who used to be like my skin
covering my body
so close
now so alien

I take a step back and stare at you
your promises ringing
all those small and quiet words
flowing...
all lies

I take a step and stare at you
you who seem to have forgotten
of me

I guess we're seasonal
and like flowers do,
bound to wither...

now that spring is almost gone
you too have left me
uprooted 

so I take a step back and look at you
one last time

friend...

Tuesday 3 April 2018

bathroom floor [incomplete]

bathroom floor 
at 1am
staring into the darkness
which reaches out from the sink

bathroom floor
at 1am
reaching for the drain plug
from the tub


bathroom floor
at 1am
watching the sparks
going out of me

bathroom floor
at 1am
wondering what good
to have them all starting fires

bathroom floor 
at 1am
a shell on the shelf
whispers of lost oceans,
liquids quickly gulped down
just last week

bathroom floor
at 1am
the walls crumbling down
stone after stone
grasping
at the emptiness ahead
before turning 
into dust

bathroom floor
at 1am
who am I ?
what have I done
to put out the fire?

bathroom floor
at 1am
maybe I should just get up
...

Monday 2 April 2018

type of wrong

center of me burns
begging for water
a hurricane to wash over
destroy and resurrect

submerge this fire
let if sizzle
like the sun does
at dusk

and when it's drowned
when it stops breathing
take your hands
and let it go

it goes and goes and goes
falling liquidly
drowning 
while the universe reverses

and planets, stars
they all align
and it floats through space
the big blue

they said it's darkness
that shines
but they've never seen
so much light

and as it travels
submerged
it loses track
of all that matters

there's the fire
sparkling
twisting
underwater

take my fire
and kill it, I asked.
don't give it wilderness
for it expands

consuming me.


Friday 16 March 2018

in my veins

what does it feel like to love you - have your fingertips brushing against my skin: ocean of music notes washing away all sound
what does it feel like to have you staring from within the darkness: strip me down of this crushing fear and never be able to look away
what does it feel like to breathe you in and breathe you out: intoxicate my soul with you
and you whirl, whirl your way down into me
poisonous smoke
illusion of a promised redemption

I walk to you as if you're open doors of the church
when you're nothing but a curtain dancing in the wind
masking darkness

I walk to you stripped of all of me,
holding onto my soul
and willingly giving it away while singing 'hallelujah'

my soul from my hand into yours
from my chest into yours
as you gulp it down as if holy water

and as I am emptied of myself
you pour yourself into me, 
wickedly 

your tongue burns - thousands whips
perversely scribbling onto me
an earthly name

biting teeth battle for my flesh
my blood drop by drop
blossoms onto my skin

I use daggers
and carve out constellations
my entire universe

you run deeper, faster
than I can chase
through my veins

poison
inside my veins
I cannot scratch you out

come out, undone
I too break 
into shadows

black hole
of space continuum
swallows me

a shell.

Thursday 1 February 2018

feeling

i feel like i should sleep
a long, long sleep
i feel like i should lay
down beneath the sea
buried all under sand

i feel like i should mute
my thoughts, my heart
leave the static sound
to buzz on
i feel i should lay low
lower and lower
till lava engulfs me whole

i feel i shouldn't laugh
but you're staring like that...
i feel like i should move
as if possessed, a scarecrow,
a controlled puppet, i...
i feel I should flap my wings
and go

i feel i should be blue
not with sorrow, but as in the colour
i feel like i should be white
not as in the colour, but with sorrow

i feel i should be alone
but when the darkness comes, i wish
i weren't, that i won't and never will be
truly alone

i feel i should be covered in thorns
and pick at them with laughing eyes
weeping
i feel i should have the right
to curse out loud
this damned heart!

i feel i should feel you
crawling on my skin, under it,
all over my bones,
inside my dna
and drag yourself out
through my pursed lips

i feel i should let myself move
into yet another flight
which i yet postpone so eagerly
to meet a masochist ending...

i feel i should do something
yet idly i'm waiting
a continuous falling
while the entire universe is turning
spinning, growing
i shrink,
a spec of dying light

i feel i should let this ocean
swallow me whole
flood this body
flood this mind
till i am full
of you

and yet i'm staring at the moon.