Black (Heavy Sleep)

You turn off the light and close your eyes, preparing to drift to sleep. But the silence around you does not show mercy for your ears and so you hear the world spinning: a branch touches the closed window lightly, a night bird spreads her wings not that far away, the rustling of your feet under the covers, the nails scratching the skin of the left hand, the heart beating steadily inside the chest.

You hear everything.

And everything hears you.

So you open your eyes and darkness welcomes you with open arms. It's so dark, that you can't even see the stretched arms in front of you. You struggle to catch the glimpse of the illuminated window, but apparently an even darker hole opens in the place of the well known glass. And that darkness has black eyes that follow your every move.

You can't breathe as the darkness tightens its grip around your body. You feel your skull throbbing in a futile attempt of the brain to shake you awake or to dismiss the thought of blindness, the eyes moving from right to left, trying so hard to catch at least a sparkle of white in all that suffocating black.

And the suffocating feeling that you're shrinking in your own bed, the world you knew becoming thrice its size around you. You can't see - that's a fact. So you get up from your bed and you know that what you touch with your soles it's just the red carpet, but it's just a habit of what your eyes used to see every morning and evening. Then, on the right, your fingers hit something hard - the small desk where the phone lies. The gadget does not respond to the command and the screen does not show its light when pressed.

You're running blind...

In the darkness that follows, your fingers leave a invisible trail on the wall of the long and narrow corridor. You know where the switchers are, but you can't see their flickering leds, burning red in the darkness.

On.

Off.

On.

Off.

You hear the switcher, you can definitely feel the bulb's light falling on your cheek, but you can't see it. The darkness is just like a Black Hole, sucking you in more and more, till there's nothing left of your soul, till the warm body of yours remains just a shallow shell of warm flesh and red fluids.

Darkness - unimaginably solid and warm.

You can hear everything.

And everything can hear you.

You nails scratch the skin around the temple, the fingertips run on the skin under the eyes, pressing it towards the inside until you feel it giving in to the pressure. Your nails slip inside the small openings and curve upwards, pushing the eyeballs out of the orbits.

Yes, it hurts to feel the flesh severing the muscles, to feel the fibers of your body protesting against the stupidity of your act.

Yes, it hurts to feel the blood gushing out of the holes that remain behind, to feel the wind howling inside them as you hold on the two wet and sticky balls that used to grant you vision way back before.

Yes, it hurts - the darkness, the holes on your face, everything hurts!

But it hurts less to know that the permanent darkness is brought by permanent damages than being the same phobia haunting you over and over again...

You and Me, Against the World

I'm so fucking mad right now.

I'm so fucking, incredibly mad right now that it's actually a miracle the keyboard is still intact!

You.

You.

You.

And you.

And you glass wall.

And your blank expression.

And your fucking mood swings that make me wanna flip a table like in the those movies for chicks I had you watch.

I hate you. I hate you so much right now, that just seeing you online in my list makes me wanna pass my hand through the screen and punch some Goddamn good sense into you!

You said you liked my confession, that the words were just right for you to perfectly understand my point. And then you went 'hey-na-na-na!' to heck knows where and my online list was like the Wild West with dust piling on it like on grandma's panties. I didn't even get the chance to bit my farewell or curse you so that your left foot become right and you turn into a complete idiot with boogers hanging from your nose tip. I didn't even get to press sent to my message 'cause the power was shut and when I finally got to flip my bird at the screen, you were gone.

Gone you were and the status of your profile sounded something like: "Gone to Hell.". Well, have a safe trip and make sure you don't get some Captain Winky hooks stuck in your ass, you brick head!

I hate you so much right now that I feel like Pikachu after being completely charged. I hate you so much that this Pikachu can't evolve to Raichu anymore. 

I hate you, I really do! I had to cover so many fields in Chemistry just to have the balls to say all those things to you and you were just a chill hippie, smiling like an idiot behind your wall of glass.

And then you appear. PUF! Like a fucking magical mushroom or something, you're back on top of my online list. Speaking of the cherry on top of the cake, what's up with the status, you odd creature?

"Since when they're no longer selling stellar dust at the shop from the corner of the street?! Gosh, I feel old..."

What kind of sorcery is this?! What hit you in the head?! 'Cause you make me remember the odd times when you came back and handed me an empty jar: "100% golden stellar dust," you smiled like a freak, "trust me, I'm the best at this." And I believed you. How could have I not when you were wearing that rag of a smile on your unshaved face that looked like it had been slapped by a bear or something? How could I not be happy when you were like the last brownie on the plate that I got to eat when no one was looking?

I trusted you.

And now you're back with that unoriginal pick-up line and somehow it doesn't feel right like before. It's... like a cloudy sky during a sunny summer, like a green apple when all the others are a perfect yellow or red. It's like you without a profile pic of some random chick so that no one bothers you, like me without the headsets on and singing out loud. It's like you not flying to see me on my birthday, like me not throwing cubes of ice at you during the summer.

It's odd and completely freaky.

Have you lost yourself? Has the world finally got to your brain and smacked your dreams from behind? Have you turned blind from all the light of the flashlight I forgot under your bed? Have you gone and saw the bad of the world we both ran away from? Have you been hurt during your trip? Have you suffered in thirst or hunger with no one by your side?

Man, this is really unfair, you know?! I was supposed to be completely mad at you and ignore you for the rest of my life, but there you are, sulking on your chair with some food on the desk you haven't touched yet. It's a heartbreaking scenery, really now!

Wait, wait for it, ok, now I've done it:

I'm running to you, to your side, can you see me? Will you stop being sad now, please?! I even put on my special effects and this cape, only to make you snap out of the trace and become the you I know you are. 

I am SuperKat and I'm running to be your saviour 'cause I know the world is bad, that it's unfair, unjust, totally fucking you up from behind. I know that, trust me. I know it's painful when they step on your dreams, when they no longer sell stellar dust at the corner of the street, when the umbrellas are no longer red and yellow but a mild green, when all the others have grown up and no longer understand your gibberish. I know. But that's why I'm here, isn't it?

'Cause what would I be without you if not an odd missing pair of an even stranger duet? What would the summers be without us cooling inside with icy water drank directly from bottle 'cause we're that baddass? What would the evenings be without our usual quarrels over who gets to shut the PC first? What would the nights be without the sky above for us both to see at the same time? What would the waking up early in the morning be without me knowing you're on the other side of the screen, providing a good entertainment with your awkward camp songs?

We're a pair, you know? We're half of the both apple, you and me. You're the super sophisticated phone while I am the leather case that comes along as protection. I'm Harry and you're Hermione; the books wouldn't be the same without our friendship. You're the vanilla half that is making me sick, but is a total eye delight to whomever get to look at it. I'm the pages of your novel while you come as those hard, super fancy covers that make the book more expensive than a bandage.
We're a pair. We'd look odd apart and the world would probably be a better place, but even so, I don't want to give peace a chance if it means I have to let go of your hand.
We're a pair. So let me put my SuperKat outfit just for you and prove you that I've got super powers, alright?
We're a pair. So let me be the superhero this time and save you from those deep water you pulled me out so many times before. It's my turn to act all brave, ok? 'Cause I even took extra swimming classes just for you...
We're a pair, my darling, so even if the whole world turns against you, I'd still stick around to hold your hand and beg for some mega tickling attacks.
We're a pair, Mister-I-don't-really-give-a-fuck, and even when the sky will be on fire, I'll be your forever awkward stalker.
So, chin up, alright?
'Cause, dude,

Prince Charming

A girl wait for one thing her whole life: Prince Charming to come and sweep them off their feet and hop them on the back on their white horse/Ferarri. So, she's currently look for...

A man strong as ten, a man to fight wind and rain, a man to come as shelter when all the others have proved to be just plastic and fake.
A man who would hold her hand 'cause kissing in the street at the first date is a no-no, even if she wishes for it with her whole body.
A man who would buy her flowers every single day until she gets an allergy, 'cause that's the trend she saw in movies: good guys buy flowers, bad boys steal the virginity.
A man that wouldn't tease her for talking gibberish when excited or when sleepy, a man that wouldn't laugh at her messed hair style and forever hold her hands for the world to see how lucky she is.
A man with a kind heart and a wide opened wallet, ready to buy her ice-cream in the middle of the night and whatnot since she's the princess of his life and she deserves the best or whatever her hearts wishes for.
A man that would totally ditch his friends and his beer and go running to her side every time the phone rings, just because she saw an itsy-bitsy tiny spider in the bathroom while she was taking a poop.
A man that would totally look like David Beckham whenever he'd take off his shirt (wearing t-shirts is too mainstream for her) and still blush, be unconvinced that he's a complete hunk.

A man that would build her the dream house and never make her lift a finger, a man that would cook, clean, wash dishes, take the dog for a walk, take in all her crap, listen to her favourite band, paint her nails, brush her hair, buy her tampons, making sure he always put the toilet seat down after peeing 'cause the princess might get hurt otherwise, always compliment her over her fashion sense, accept pink stuff around just because it's her favourite colour.

etc.

Well, let me tell you something, princess: you're probably going to wait forever and a day and totally miss out the perfect guy!

I would totally love a guy who would kiss me during the first date and make me feel butterflies even though I'd probably get mad/ turn bright red/ throw a tantrum/ make a scene or kiss him back.

I wouldn't want a guy to bring me flowers every single fucking day because I'd probably get sick of them and my reaction will slowly grow to be just "Meh, flowers..." instead of "You brought me flowers! How sweet of you!".

I'd appreciate a good contradicting-argument with him and would totally fall even more for him if he'd be a complete tease, instead of sugar coating everything I do and holding my hand even when I'm sweaty and feel like he shouldn't touch me.

A normal guy would be the best, to know me, to know when to ignore me, to know when to give me space. A normal guy that would buy me presents just for my birthday, 'cause we both know money don't grow on trees. A man with a golden heart hid underneath a bad boy's teasing.

I'd love a cry-baby, 'cause I'd know it's because he's not iron-made and just humanly giving in to the pressure. 

I'd love a total goof-ball, 'cause he'd know how to make me laugh when it's raining outside and I didn't brought an umbrella.

And above anything, I'd appreciate a guy that would be the totally opposite from me and yet still echo a tiny bit of me when he's asleep, a guy that's himself in everything he does and says, a guy that has his moments of silence and is a complete bully when I talk gibberish because I just saw my favourite band live, a man that would make me argue with him over putting down the toilet seat because it's the small things that really matter, a man that would be so bad with pastel colours that we'd have to call our parents over to help us paint the walls, a man that would hate pink just as much as I do, a man that would insist on taking the dog out together because he'd get bored, a man that would know how to say "I'm in love with you." when the right time comes...

I don't look for the perfect man or anything like Prince Charming 'cause I know that when the right person will appear, I'd be in love with every single flaw he has, as well as appreciate that's he's just... there, next to me, holding my hand.

So, princess, how about my Prince Charming type? Doesn't he sound more real than yours?

Three 'Dudettes': To Infinity and Beyond!

"Yeah."

"Dudette, where the fuck are you?!"

"Sleeping... what do you want at this hour?!"

"At this hour?! It's freakin' 2pm! Why are you sleeping at this hour?"

"Speak fast 'cause I might fall asleep."

"Right... oh, oh! We should meet tomorrow like we usually do. We go get the donuts and the pretzels without rushing since the teacher ain't coming for first class."

"Oh, fine. One day I can sleep like a normal person without waking up with the sunrise and that's when you're in mood for morning walks. Fine, I'll be there. Meet you at 6:30 in the bus station..."

Hey, Dudette!

So, September's here, huh? Already, huh? And to think that this time last year we were crying for more holidays days 'cause summer seemed to have flown by us without much happening. And school would start and no more sleeping till late, no more meetings at work, no more planning pick up lines for the hunks we were so sure we'd meet as soon as we'd go back to 'prison'.

And look at us now, all grown up, preparing for uni and we don't even know what awaits for us ahead. Or at least, I don't LOL.

So, September, huh? It's strange knowing that school starts on the 16th and we won't be there to buy flowers and just, you know, be excited for what we'll hate an entire year. I never thought I'd say this, but I wish we could go back to being simple high schooler for just one more day... or a year if you think that I'm feeling really down right now because of uni housing... The song from 'Liceenii' wasn't so wrong after all? But who would have thought that when everything was building up hatefully in front of me?

Anyway, thanks, dudette! For what you ask? Well, for being my friend, my desk mate, for taking my bullshit and throwing rock at me now and then, for listening to my k-spazz, for letting me copy your French homework, for sharing your food with me, for sharing your water with me, for letting me doodle your copybooks, for letting me drag you to the Copy Center just because well, I was kind of crushing on the guy there? 

Hehehehe. 

Yeah, big thanks for being my best friend, dudette! 

Let's stay best friends even when we'll have families on our own and let's make our kids hand out even if they hate it, just because we remember how evil we used to be in high school.

And let's remember that we were plain stupid and falling on corridors, that we used to stalk guys and hate teachers. Let's make our children be super geniuses and hide them just how dorky we were together when we'd spill nonsense to everyone who had ears to hear us out.

Let's just be awesome in the future as well!

Ain't this awkward, hehehe...

***

"Let's meet for a pizza."

"Alright?"

"My cousin is coming as well with a friend. Behave."

"You know I hate your cousin. I hate him to the guts! We almost fist fought last time we met. Do you want blood to be spilled?! What friend are you?!"

"He'll behave. You behave as well!"

"I can't promise you anything if he steps on my tail though..."

"Behaaaave~~~"

Hey there, Dudette?

If we weren't that close this past year, I'm blaming on your stupid phone and stupid phone network, you know? Why didn't you bought a prepay? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Nevermind that now.

So, you and I are going away in the pretty much same direction, huh? Aren't you scared at all? 'Cause I'm shitting my pants every time I think about sharing my room with two other persons... I mean, you know I hate people and that people hate me because I'm loud and obnoxious, I always find something to brag about, I get easily pissed off and am a total bipolar persons.

Why can't you be one of my roommates?! 'Cause you'd definitely practice some karate moves on me or something like that and send me to sleep instantly. Or maybe you could bribe me with your grandma's cookies (say thanks from me, by the way)... I wish you could come with me, dear.

Yeah, dear, when will we meet? How? Hope you'll come home in October 'cause I'm turning 19 unlike other elders around here...

Anyhow, thanks, dudette!

For what?

Well, I wrote all that in the year book, but once again, thanks for putting up with the difficult me all this time. And thanks for always being kind even when I would annoy the crap out of you and for taking care of me, for hugging me when you know I hate physical approach, for being disgustingly sweet, for learning all the curses from us, for not minding me being evil around you, for taking my side or for kicking my sides from time to time. Grazie for all of that and for all the others you know and won't be mentioned here!

You're awesome! And stay like that, alright?

And thanks for reading my stories and giving me awesome feedback, making me fangirl over you! Thanks for being like that - true to yourself no matter what.

So, let's meet over year with the other dudette and our kids and make them take crap from us without them knowing how crazy and incredible funny/stupid we used to be as a trio. Let's make them suffer and be brilliant while we were just average, but still happy. Let's make them be best friends like we are. I promise to marry my boy with your daughter if that matters LOL I'll marry my girl with the other dudette's boy, 'cause a if she was to be a man, I swear to you she would have been something to stick to like glue LOL

So, bye but not forever, ok?

Let's meet often and keep in touch in the future as well, no matter where we'll be (promise to haunt you two if I die before time ^.~)

***

'Cause we were that super trio that managed to scare the 'Be my ghost.'...