type of wrong

center of me burns

begging for water

a hurricane to wash over

destroy and resurrect

submerge this fire

let if sizzle

like the sun does

at dusk

and when it's drowned

when it stops breathing

take your hands

and let it go

it goes and goes and goes

falling liquidly

drowning 

while the universe reverses

and planets, stars

they all align

and it floats through space

the big blue

they said it's darkness

that shines

but they've never seen

so much light

and as it travels

submerged

it loses track

of all that matters

there's the fire

sparkling

twisting

underwater

take my fire

and kill it, I asked.

don't give it wilderness

for it expands

consuming me.

in my veins

what does it feel like to love you - have your fingertips brushing against my skin: ocean of music notes washing away all sound

what does it feel like to have you staring from within the darkness: strip me down of this crushing fear and never be able to look away

what does it feel like to breathe you in and breathe you out: intoxicate my soul with you

and you whirl, whirl your way down into me

poisonous smoke

illusion of a promised redemption

I walk to you as if you're open doors of the church

when you're nothing but a curtain dancing in the wind

masking darkness

I walk to you stripped of all of me,

holding onto my soul

and willingly giving it away while singing 'hallelujah'

my soul from my hand into yours

from my chest into yours

as you gulp it down as if holy water

and as I am emptied of myself

you pour yourself into me, 

wickedly 

your tongue burns - thousands whips

perversely scribbling onto me

an earthly name

biting teeth battle for my flesh

my blood drop by drop

blossoms onto my skin

I use daggers

and carve out constellations

my entire universe

you run deeper, faster

than I can chase

through my veins

poison

inside my veins

I cannot scratch you out

come out, undone

I too break 

into shadows

black hole

of space continuum

swallows me

a shell.

feeling

i feel like i should sleep

a long, long sleep

i feel like i should lay

down beneath the sea

buried all under sand

i feel like i should mute
my thoughts, my heart
leave the static sound
to buzz on
i feel i should lay low
lower and lower
till lava engulfs me whole

i feel i shouldn't laugh
but you're staring like that...
i feel like i should move
as if possessed, a scarecrow,
a controlled puppet, i...
i feel I should flap my wings
and go

i feel i should be blue
not with sorrow, but as in the colour
i feel like i should be white
not as in the colour, but with sorrow

i feel i should be alone
but when the darkness comes, i wish
i weren't, that i won't and never will be
truly alone

i feel i should be covered in thorns
and pick at them with laughing eyes
weeping
i feel i should have the right
to curse out loud
this damned heart!

i feel i should feel you
crawling on my skin, under it,
all over my bones,
inside my dna
and drag yourself out
through my pursed lips

i feel i should let myself move
into yet another flight
which i yet postpone so eagerly
to meet a masochist ending...

i feel i should do something
yet idly i'm waiting
a continuous falling
while the entire universe is turning
spinning, growing
i shrink,
a spec of dying light

i feel i should let this ocean
swallow me whole
flood this body
flood this mind
till i am full
of you

and yet i'm staring at the moon.

postadfectus

anatomy of a lie

decomposing what once was truth

lying open for all eyes to see,

to judge it for what it is

don't

and pull the covers

make it dark

hide away my dissected heart

don't stare at its anatomy

for my disease is you

and even if it's cold

it's still my heart

you stare at so coldly

unimpressed at its fighting

against you

as if asleep and dreaming

you stare

head tilted, a soft rise of chest

proving you're not as dead

as the heart you're staring down at

dissected it still bleeds

as if rushing blood to flushing cheeks

it fights the scalpel

stuck to biting binding

muffled to mute

and its anatomy exposed

for all to see

reveals a deadly illness:

you're everywhere

in every cell

cancerously spreading

you live

you laugh

from atria to ventricles,

you dance, you, you, you...

and somewhere else

a sigh escapes my lips

for now it's on my sleeve

my heart

and its sweet disease