Sunday 6 April 2014


I've been ill for quite some time now. Cold and trembling, merely breathing, dragging my feet across the floor only to reach the limit of my squared life and turn around just to make the same journey backwards. I should know that there's no room for giving up... not now when I came so close to grabbing it - that ray of light silently knocking at my window each day at the same hour.
When it first appeared, it scared the shit out of me to be sincere. It was all yellowish with tints of orange and red - a whole rainbow caught in a droplet of light! And the way the glass warmed up my cold, sweaty forehead... Nothing was the same afterwards! I came back day after day, dragging my legs for hours just to see that for a couple of seconds.
But then the clouds came, my illness made me feel cold and too tired all of a sudden to even open my head. And so I remained pinned in my suffering, angrily building forts of darkness to prepare myself for what seemed to watch over me with every second that passed by - Death. 
And then you came along and nothing was the same anymore. You brought light where darkness had nested, you planted flowers where the ground was dead and dried and watered them with your tears, giving them nothing but lullabies and gentle smiles. And you held my hand when I was all gray and cold, stony figure laying on a bed of fresh and poisonous ivy. You weren't scared of my dirty looks, my sharp tongue or of me trying to escape your gentle grip. You remained despite my cursing and begging. You stayed still and just hushed me back to sleep when the rain would force my darkness out. You - you were my light, my hope, my ultimate colour. With you by my side I could have coloured the entire world and there would have still remained enough paint to glue my skin back to my flesh and my bones all back together.
You - you were my salvation. For when I was gray, you were red, when I was just about to give in to my darkness, you brightened up my fear with tints of pink and when I was this close to just give up on everything, you held me next your golden heart. And nothing was the same...
And now you're down, running out of light and colour, holding tightly onto me, hoping for that small ray of light at the window. So I'll be your guiding hand, your light, your colour. I'll paint your life in bright colours and just a patch of blue of my own, for you gave up on yourself just to bring me back to life. You helped me find my colour when everything was hopeless - you gave me my blue. So now, when you're running out of your brightest colours, allow me to stay by your side and make the same journey back and forth until you finally gain your faith back.
I love you, don't you ever forget that...

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