Sunday 4 August 2013


Middle of the night and I think the clock is stuck. 2am. For more than two hours it has showed the same swan like figure... Has the time stopped for me? Has it finally came to an end? This time I ended up cursing at, begging for a second to stay still and allow me to... what?
Run away.
2am - shadows and darkness, grayness and a hurricane of thoughts that just can't be stopped. Lies, it's all lies. Liars, we are all liars! 'Cause even when there's nothing more to say, we still say 'Hey, it's ok.', 'cause even when we have to deal with the end, we still say 'I'll always be here.'.
Liars. We are all liars.
Blood and bruises and a forgotten cup of coffee on the edge of the bathtub. No one understands that the coldness has crept into my body, that now is that time when I'm the most lucid being on this stupid planet. No one understands that I have eyes that do not have to see, ear that do not have to hear, hands that do not have to touch - 'cause there is fear. Fear and a thousand of bad reasons why the words have sank into the flesh, why there's a hole on the inside - a hole that shows me the universe.
2am - I'm leaving.
Today is the day when I'm moving away from this place.
I'm running away without a thing in my bag, without a jacket on my shoulders. I'm running away without looking back, 'cause I know you're still there, scowling at me with your Jake by your side. I'm running away because there's nothing else to say...
A mirror shows the fog inside the bathroom, but it shows a totally different world through the yellow stains on its glass. A world that had died, a lost paradise, a broken jar full of teeth for the Tooth Fairy. A world that was more like a lie than reality for us all.
Middle of the night and coldness has been blown inside here for quite a while now. I can see the hole I wear getting larger and larger, a whole black hole getting born into this mess of world I live in. Would someone care? Would someone wonder what happened to the sky? To the yellow sun the kids used to draw? To the birds singing high up in the sky? To me?
No. Because we've let go of the last thing that made us human - humanity. We've forgot to look up from the pavement, we've forgot that a word can build a world or crumble it down, the the eyes are the mirror of a heart, that we hold hands not because it's all about sex but because we need warmth and closeness of another of our kind. We've forgot the the sky if blue and the grass is green, that we like to play hide-and-seek, that we all wanted to be superheros at a certain point.
We... forgot all about being ourselves and lost in a mass of humanoids that just think.
But I won't stay. So, I'm running away, I'm leaving this place.
And further than you can find me, I'm leaving, I'm leaving today. I will never let you find me, so stay guard to the past I won't look back at.
So try, try to understand me, understand what I'm saying when I say I won't let you step on me. So don't give me your reasons, I don't want to hear your lies, you begging me to stay.
I'm leaving 'cause today time has finally stopped in place for me.
And it's cold.
My Universe, can you see my Universe?
My mirror, my crossed lines, my broken rules.
My story to tell, my life to give away...

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