Wednesday 26 June 2013

Amore Mio

Day by day.
Month by month.
I crawl ground level, swallowing stones and inhaling dust. And I never stopped. Not until now.
The starry sky has made me look back - what is there to regret? What is there to remember? Is there something left, something that has not been eaten my the scar-faced rust? Something, something - is there really something?
And so I exhale, releasing my soul from a heavy burden. I did not know. I did not guess. I did not think back then. I didn't see that I was a mere human asking for the broken Moon above. I didn't want to see, believe that my desire was impossible to accomplish. 
But it grew; it grew inside of me like a huge ball of light and fire, looking and feeling too much alike the Sun high up in the sky. It grew so much that I had to release it. And so it started. It was merely a simple decision I took with my heart, with my entire soul. But it changed everything.
And slowly, slowly, my dream, the only Sun I was having close to my heart, became the light of a mere firefly that flew away from me, leaving me in complete darkness.
Oh, how many years, centuries have come and went since then? 
How many Suns have died on the sky?
How many times has the rain whipped my skin?
I sincerely have no answer to that. Because I'm blind, because I'm mad, because I have one million of reasons not to give a crap about the day chasing the night and all the spinning motion of the ground. It all makes me sick right now! For my firefly is long gone and I am lost. Lost and alone.
Why? Why are there so many barriers to overcome? Why are there so many troubles that reside inside my heart? Am I not mortal enough to die from the pain inside, struggling to breathe while I wait for you to call my name?! Please, call my name... just once. Just once, call my name just once and I will return from where I left only to come and hear your voice all over again.
But the stars on the sky died and I was left with no light. My legs are trembling and my hands are weak, so I crawl like a snake, hissing my pain away, picking on my own scars. But I'm coming to you, my dearest firefly. I will get to you... one day.

The more they come out, the more I hide. The more they know about you, the more I fear. Is there really no way for us to do this? For me to love you, trust you, hold you and only you without feeling scared or haunted? But then again, you are the traitor you were born to be, tied in black and white yarn by your wrist, proudly showing a secret for everyone to see.
Why, amore mio? Why can't I be the one to let go?
Why, why, amore mio? Can't you wait for the one who has walked thousand of miles just to see, to hear you and only you? I know there's still a lot to do, a lot of miles to walk and run, but I will get to you. 'Cause it's your voice that guides me in the darkness that has swallowed me. It's you, you my precious firefly!
So tell me, amore mio, can't you just wait till I'm at least able to let go?

You'll be just like all the others: calling my name only to break my heart... amore mio, where was the trap and how did I not see it in my rush to your once open arms?

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