Saturday 17 May 2014


I look back and realize we cut all ties - no words were said, we just called it one day and that's how it remained till now. And it wasn't a month or a year we left behind, but more than five years we left behind just like that, becoming strangers with just a snap of fingers.
I said some things, I said a lot of stuff which I regret now. But how should I say that I was just a hurt kid, who felt left behind and abandoned all of a sudden? How should I stop you now on street and tell you, ask for an explanation? I know I have no excuse for the way I cut the ties, but the wound you gave me - I'm still bearing it's mark like a tattoo I still cannot erase...
Call me melancholic, but how can I forget all those summers spent laughing in the sun, all those warm nights wasted on boys talks and singing alongside nation's most loved artist of the moment? They're deeply engraved in my heart, they make me compare every happy moment to what I had back then, wandering, if that was happiness, what am I feeling now?
We used to be there for each other - what happened? I cannot wonder if it wasn't my fault, my hypersensitivity, my flaws that broke everything... I admit it now: I felt betrayed, I felt abandoned, 'cause weren't you supposed to stand by my side no matter what, till the end of time? Wasn't that what we pictured, what we imagined, what we wished for us? And while I standing still, you moved, one step at a time, further and further away from my reach.
You know I am melancholic by nature and cannot stop but miss the past, when we were kids and everything used to be so simple to say and show. Now, I can't even say what I bear in mind and heart, 'cause I fear of sounding ridiculous or extremely cheesy or being misunderstood once again. So I'll put it down here and preserve everything in words that maybe one day - one day I'll be able to show them to you with a sincere smile, without fearing of your reaction.
I'm sorry and I miss you.
I chose to be your friend with my heart and took a liking in you with all my heart. There was no play-pretend in my friendship, no hidden reasons, no false pretenses. My smiles were sincere, my awkward supportive words were true, my tears were there even though you couldn't see them when everything turned to dust. I valued your friendship more than anything else. I trusted you enough to tell you all my secrets and thoughts and genuinely imagined the day we'd be old and gray-haired and sit in chairs under summery sun, reminiscing about our childhood... I guess now everything died.
I wanted you to know - my sincerity, everything, I held you on the highest pedestal in my heart and I don't regret ever having to meet you despite my present awkwardness.
Thank you, dear friend, for giving me such great memories.
I'm sorry, dear friend, that we became strangers like that.
And I'm missing you, dear friend.
Just wanted you to know that even now, the days we spent together back then echo back from time to time...

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