I don't want to be lonely anymore

I am a shy person that doesn't have a lot of friends because 1- I don't know how to deal with other people's feelings and 2- I am myself a difficult person to start with, so it takes a lot of time to come to like me for real. so I often walk alone. But being all alone doesn't mean I like being alone. Loneliness is like a sickness - no one wants to have it and yet, we are the ones that transmit it to other people around us.

Why do we push people away? 

Why can't we have enough patience?

Why do we throw away the ones who want to stick around?

Why can't we give a chance to those who are willing to approach enough?

As a person who's lonely most of the times, I will tell you that it's not nice to be one against so many groups of friends. It's like the people around you are a colourful mass that zooms pass you, while you're sulking in shades of gray, in slow-motion. And you want to catch up with all of them, hold someone's hand and go with the flow, but everyone seems just too damn busy to even look at you. So you give up: on people, on colours, on laughter, on wishing for tomorrow, on trying to approach anyone. It's like calling someone while you're mute, trying to move when you're nothing but numb... it's torturing you from the inside.

And then they ask you why haven't you said anything... They're funny - these people.

Here I am, telling you "I don't want to be lonely anymore.". But how many will hear and how many will actually listen?

None.